We Took a Wrong Turn
(Map of the Mind).


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A:

What is the mind?

B:

Oh, what the fuck?

A:

There’s that oft-said bit that we only use 1% of our brain. And so off science fiction goes, coming up with new and wild ways for our future-selves to utilize their unused brains.

B:

Sliders has never had a deft touch, but here we reach a new low. Because after toting some xenophobic ideologies back in “New Gods For Old,” what else is there to make fun of other than the Mentally Handicapped? Because what else is “Map of the Mind” other than a chance to make fun of “crazy people?”

A:

And so here we have Sliders’ attempt at this story. In it we have an idea of Neural Remapping. This remapping, which apparently is synonymous with Magic, opens up the pathways of the mind, allowing our consciousness to exist extra-dimensionally.

B:

Of course, our man Rembrandt is at the heart of this. But the majority of the cast is just as guilty here. Throughout the entire teaser, they treat the “Tea Party” with disdain and that sort of ‘fear-at-a-remove.’ They look on these ‘nutters’ like they’d rather be anywhere else. They talk to them with such obvious condescension. It’s offensive. It’s gross.

"Never

“Never

A:

What does that mean? I don’t know. Apparently it means “you draw a bunch of maps of illuminati glyphs on the wall.” That’s what happens to people who get erroneously remapped. Or at least I think it is— that’s what happens to Diana. Her brain goes waywire because this world’s left/right brains are reversed.

B:

Who is making this show? Who are they making this show for? I haven’t known for weeks. But apparently they think that Sliders’ fanbase is a group of people who think the handicapped are funny, who thinks science is the most hideous of evils, who think that women are things.

A:

But then, why does the Doctor’s Daughter also draw silly pyramid glyphs? Isn’t her brain normal? Why would “neural remapping” give you telekinetic powers? Why would it make you form mind-tornadoes? Why does “neural remapping” basically make you a wizard?

B:

That might have been a part of the fanbase in Season Three. But who is the fanbase now? Why do we watch Sliders? Do we watch it because we worked so hard to keep it on the television? Sliders, at this point, is getting great ratings for The Sci-Fi Channel. Who are these people? The actual amount of people who wrote letters in 1996 after Season Two can’t be as many as apparently watch Season Five.

Can it?

go

go

A:

Is it because it taps into the “collective consciousness?” What is being collected? People? Minds? Souls? Is it the power of the dead that is harnessed by this? And what even is “neural remapping” anyways other than “something to threaten the sliders with?” How would just “moving shit around in your brain” make you able to converse with the psychic multiverse?  Wouldn’t you need your brain opened up and electrodes attached to your pulsing grey matter?

B:

I don’t know, but I can guess that we aren’t tuned in for the thrilling final scene, where Rembrandt “rallies the troops.” He gets all the “crazy people” raving and rioting. He makes a speech that puts Quinn’s “churn the buttery goodness” speech to shame in its sheer level for bullshit.

A:

And what even is it with the whole “our left brain/right brain is switched” thing? How does that even make sense? How does it not affect anything? Or does it— is that why we ended up with a “Corporate States of America?” Why we ended up with “brain nazis?” And so the infinite that is hinted at by the idea of remapping is cast aside. We have a government to overthrow. Except of course we don’t. We “save” Diana, however that manages to work. We leave that remaining 99% of our brains for later.

B:

Here we see Rembrandt try to “emulate” the speech of the handicapped. Which is about as offensive as it sounds. Oh, dear readers, if you could have seen the way my face pulled into itself. It’s more than just “jaw-dropping.” It’s… I don’t know what it is anymore.

full

full

A:

The collective consciousness bids us adieu without sorrow.

B:

There really comes a time when the argument of “This Isn’t Sliders” just doesn’t hold water anymore. Of course this is Sliders. This is what Sliders is. A bunch of assholes thinking they’re better than everyone else. What captivating characters we have. Instead we have to watch Tembi Locke try her best to look “slow,” which starts as offensive, ends up being funny, and slides right back in to being offensive again. It’s bad. It’s a bad performance. It’s a blind performance. It’s hard to watch. Everything here is hard to watch.

A:

We had the chance to interact with them, with a concept truly unique. But instead we worry about a concept as banal as “Brain Nazis,” a term so clichéd as to actually remove the horror of the reich.

B:

Sliders is so tone-deaf, it can take a completely bonkers idea— what if there was a world of thought outside of this universe— and makes it an excuse for an hour that only seems to exist as an excuse to make fun of mentally handicapped people.

retard."

retard.”

A:

We just aren’t ready for them yet.

B:

Which, sure, if that’s your goal, then good job.

 

Next Time: i killed you i kill you again i kill you (A Thousand Deaths).

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