Jim Varney World

He may be dead now, but Jim Varney's influence on this world has left more people frustrated and suicidal than Screech from "Saved by the Bell."

Parallel History

1987 brought a lot of things to the world, one of them being “Ernest Goes to Camp.” While an unmitigated failure on Earth Prime, for some bizarre reason it became an overnight sensation on Varney World. And while Varney’s slapstick yokel would eventually make his way into only another 11 movies and 2 television series on Earth Prime before fading into obscurity, he would go on to become a symbol of Americana here.

“Ernest Scared Stupid.” “Slam Dunk Ernest,” “Ernest Saves Christmas.” All travesties of film — all beloved on this earth.

Coupled with the success of hillbilly antics on “Jerry Springer,” America in Varney World has sunken into a cesspool of idiocy. Those professionals with an iota of intellect have long been driven mad by these abominations and copious reruns of “Mama’s Family.” If you’re even relatively smart, you’ll leave this world in a sour mood, and possibly deaf from clawing out your own ear drums.

The Zimmerman Telegraph

Set on fire and burned along with everything else worth reading.