Shoe World

Tired of sporting thread-bare knockoffs and crummy Nikes made by impoverished Koreans? Head on over to Shoe World, where former dot-commers will be happy to work as a bootsmith and take your money! Approved by Imelda Marcos!

Parallel History

A minor aberration that would eventually have major consequences, Phil Knight of Nike fame was killed in a 1979 plane crash, stopping an evil, evil empire from ever taking off.

However, In 1992, the low-brow FOX comedy Married With Children was cancelled when actress Christina Applegate was killed by a drunk driver in Los Angeles, California. Actor Ed O’Neill’s life thus took a different path — one of humble public service.

O’Neill ran for Mayor of Los Angeles in 1993 after a grass-roots campaign throughout much of the San Fernando Valley. His major opponent, self-made millionaire Richard Riordan, buckled under his lack of oratory skills and the relative anonymity of his name. O’Neill won the election by a landslide and began to help heal a city devastated by rioting and earthquakes.

Boutique shoe shops sprouted up around the state sporting the visage of Al Bundy. When the DotCom economy exploded and shriveled within the span of two years, O’Neill pushed for failed graphic designers and HTML coders to join trade schools so as to actually learn how to do something useful. The subsequent shoe explosion took the West Coast by storm.

Today Shoe World’s economy is helped by transdimensional retailers like MultiDim™ and the Dimension of Opportunity.

The Zimmerman Telegraph

Accidentally mistaken for a receipt and burned by an irate Nancy Reagan in 1983.